The end goal here is cohesion; we don’t want Ella to have parents with differing last names, and we don’t want a hyphenated name, so we have to pick one or the other. Yes, the tradition is for the woman to take the man’s name…but apart from the fact that it’s tradition, what causes that change to be…mandatory? Is mandatory the word? Or, at least, what makes that change non-harmful, but the reverse change harmful?

Now, I can grant that Mom and Dad have been going through rough patches of late, which need not be enumerated here. I realize that the timing of this decision on our part, which has been forming in mind since at least last June, is not the most opportune. But at the end of the day, the motivating factor for the decision was the arrival of Ella, and her arrival was not something which we had the ability or the desire to defer.

At the end of the day, we want our family name to be unary, and to reflect the value set that we desire to bring our child(ren?) up in. That could have been Kully; it turns out that it was Hynek. You’ve asserted that to decide in favour of Grace’s last name does “actual and unnecessary” harm — please elaborate on this point, because this is the point I’m struggling to grasp. How is it harmful, and how is it hurtful?

For example: it is true what you say, that they have “done their best to bring [me] up and support [me],” but is this not also true of Grace’s parents and their efforts toward her? And if so, how is it not harmful for her to change her name, and how is it harmful for me to change mine?

This is the point I do not understand, and which I need clarified.

Have you discussed this with anybody?

We love you very much and will continue to do so but we have been hurt by this and fear the repercussions for both you and your family. Please think carefully.
Love as always